r.e.m. adventures: grandma's fire

a few weeks ago, i had a dream i was in a little white cottage on the top of a hill overlooking an endless expanse of sprawling green fields. i was inside with my father and his brothers, and grandma craig was there-- but she was younger than i'd ever seen her and fearsomely hot. there was a handsome wooden cabinet against the wall from which grandma was pulling out a series of beautiful antique firearms. one by one, she'd select a a different gun, take reckless aim, and fire it through the closed window in a glass-shattering explosion of sound. we all watched with nervous reverence as she sampled each and every gun. that's when i remembered that i was married to bill cosby and we had two daughters together who were outside playing, right in the line of grandma's fire! so i ran out of the house to find my daughters, squirming on my stomach over the grass, dodging bullets left and right. it was a warzone, but i finally spotted the girls and pulled them to safety. i remember telling them how lucky they were to have bill cosby as a father. then i woke up.